After All These Years

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Who would have thought that after all these years, you would comes back to me? I want to believe it, but I’m way too afraid. So I succumb to the present and think “come what may”. I still love you. How can it be in the midst of this numbness that my heart begans to come alive?! As if suddenly revitalized and full of energy. As if to say ecstaticly, HEY I REMEMBER YOU!! Simply because… I do. Only you have given me a love so real, that it can shake all the cold away. And yet it’s all in vain. Because after all these years, I won’t choose you.

Emotional Epiphany


I do love him. With all his darkness, anger and stubbornness. I love his corney humor, his goofy dancing and the way his smile brightens his entire face. I love him with all of his uncertainty about me and his constant fight to not let me go. I love him. His hugs n his kisses, I love him. I have never been so sure about anyone else in my life. Smh crazy crazy life. What else can I say? Except come what may, and pray his heart never detaches from mine. I only want him. Nothing else will do. I know I don’t always do smart things but with I want to be there woman I was raised and created to be. I like who I am when I am with him. I like how that woman interacts with who he is when he is with me. Being around him puts my mind at peace and makes my heart jump for joy!  But how do I tell him i miss him when he’s not around? How do I  tell him that the thought of him or the sight of his face makes me light up? Ugghhh is this real?!! Who he is…is who I love. I LOVE HIM!! And there is no doubt about it.

Pre-Journey


I just don’t understand how you have me smiling all the time. You are the only man I think about and I wish too feel this way for a lifetime. I have been stumbled upon before but i have never been discovered. Though you can see it, so I can’t deny that I am nothing like the others. I present myself with grace and class because I’m beyond digging for gold or shaking my ass… for to all see. Yet privately, id do it happily. Over ecstatic is how I feel when you whisper in my ear, every time I see you coming, I just want to have you near. Mr Porter how sincere will your heart beat when it’s walking next to me? Calm and cool so nonchalant? Or will it race effortlessly? Ill take your hand and we shall embark on this journey into something new. A simple beginning to what could be, a non stop adventure starring me and you.

ChokolitKandi “Crazy Crazy Life…”

Currently…


Single is the status I live
Thankful for all the love
That I give
And receive
From my family
Also my friends
Helping me through life
With no amends
I searched for love
Looked far and wide
I searched selfishly
Amongst all my pride
I stressed my heart
My mind could not relax
I looked for love
But only found sex
I looked for circles
But only found a square
Searching for a soul mate
But there was no one there
I was looking in the wrong direction
I was looking to be saved
But from what?
It been inevitable for years
I’ve hidden it behind tears
For fear of who I really am
May run them all away
These are my thoughts currently
Concurrently in my head
Thoughts that never seem to
Dissipate
Even when such thoughts
Are unsaid…

Love & You


You own my heart
I’ve given it to you
So only you
Can truly tear it apart
On the coldest of nights
I lay next to you
Warming myself
Under your natural heat
Interlocking arms, legs
And sometimes even feet
This kind of sleep
Can’t be beat
It’s like a mid winter
Midnight treat
And yet how sweet it is
To kiss your face
To caress your skin
Learning you
As you sleep
Amidst your nighttime breathing
And your sleeping conversation
You acknowledge me-
How can you be so aware
And so absent
At the same time?
You’re mind is reserved
But your heart craves me
In your sleep
Your heart belongs to me
Though you
Refuse to admit
I can honestly say
We have been through
Allot of shit
All in under a year
Yet as it nears
I don’t fear
Losing you anymore
Your love is shown
Through your actions
That are nothing short
Of pure joy
Who are you boy
If I am not the girl
Of your dreams?
Who are you man
If we can’t understand
Our own hearts?
Or simply trust
Our own hearts to be true?
But it is you
That I want
There is no denying it
There is no hiding it
We will make it
If you feel the same
I will love you
In the daytime
I will love you
In the night
Love can conquer all
It can make everything
Alright

Secret Love Affair (JustThinking)


I want a secret love affair that is actually good for me. One that makes me daydream and really miss him when he’s gone. I want a love affair thats mysterious and familiar in more ways than one. Itll be so exciting itll feel dangerous and yet be as safe as bouncing on cotton. I won’t have to guess that he wants me because he will always show it and ill will always prove it. And when he kisses me….sparks will fly, music will play and he will sweep me off my feet in such a way that everything becomes surreal! The love will be so real that even with the slightest touch of his hand I can feel his genuine interest and passion for me. He will not just see me as his lover but also his other half. Apart we are independent and strong but together…..together we are a force to be reckoned with…a power couple. We won’t condemn or fault each other for our pasts. We will applaud our similarities and celebrate our differences! Our love will be so great that only good things will come from it: Spiritual Strength, Joy, Wealth & Children. YES I WANT IT ALL!! I really do want a Secret love affair that is actually good for me. 🙂 And I won’t settle for anything less!

image

#OrderOfTrueRomancePlzzz

I’m Hurting


I’m hurting…
No one sees my hurt
And it’s getting harder
To hold it all inside
I’m hurting and dying
And I continue to keep
It under my pride
But this hurt
That hurt
The hurt that I feel
So real
Its so real that
Tears falls from my
Eyes and my soul
Howe can he forgive me
If I Don’t know
How to forGive myself
I feel alone
Like I have no one left
Like the dark.n cold
Is all the comfort
That I have
I hurt…..
I hurt so bad
I hurt so bad inside

Does He know?


He doesn’t know it
But I like him
Maybe a lot more
Than he realizes
He doesn’t know it
But he sleeps so hard
He can’t feel me kiss his eyes
He don’t know it
But he makes my heart race
When he looks into my face
And admires my beauty
Sometimes the words
He speaks
Makes my heart weak
And I want to cry
But he doesn’t know it
He doesn’t know
That I miss him
When he’s not around
That I speak of him
Often and frequently
He doesn’t know
That his every touch
Excites my mind
And every time
He listens
When I talk
I just want to walk
Up to him and kiss him!
He doesn’t know
And I wish he did
Know how much
I love his kid
And its something
New for me
And him
And I’ll never forget
All that I went through
To get here….
Here in this place
I wish to stay forever
He doesn’t know that
My favorite place to be
Is in his arms
Next to his heart
Amused to know
That in this moment
It beats for me
He doesn’t know it
But nothing in this world
Would make me give him up
Nothing can make me stop
Feeling how I feel
Because deep inside
I know its real
And I know that he feels it too
So maybe
Just maybe he does know
Maybe he can see
The admiration I have for him
In my eyes
Maybe he does understand
That with us
I’m still surprised
Maybe just maybe
He does know…
Or
Maybe he still doesn’t….